January 2012
1 post
Evidence
The kiln burns and charred paper floats skyward. As the last shred coils into dust, I turn to walk away. It’s pathetic how long they’ve pursued me. I leave them grey ashes and smoldering embers, and they’re always a step late. I can see some fool sifting through it as it crumbles through his open fingers - a maddening frown contorting his face as he wonders how long ago I stood...
November 2011
1 post
The nowhere special
I’m just laying here, prone. The lights are out… hell, they’ve been out for hours. New light is finding it’s way in through my shutters now. And I’m just laying here, thinking, intermittently listening to music or not, but mostly just failing at sleep. I don’t know why, but it’s always been something that doesn’t come naturally for me (one of my many...
October 2011
3 posts
trains
my fingers trace lines on her body
as eyes lock into mine
and it all makes sense
hands intertwined
walking slowly with nowhere to go
and everything ahead
an infectious laugh
that spreads like wildfire
we dance, never too closely
her head on my chest
my head in the clouds
I’m alone now without her
but she’s always by my side
smiling somewhere
1 week, 1 day
westruckbones:
counting down the hours, minutes, seconds.
I might never come home.
my baby is coming to see me!
September 2011
8 posts
westruckbones:
I was thinking today when we were talking about population growth in biology; sometimes it feels like the only reason work was ever made is because people got so bored of fucking, sleeping, and eating that they needed something to do in between.
I love Lauren Jane Miller to pieces. Baby, you are my everything.
Just watched season finale of true blood
westruckbones:
mind=blown, fucking hell.
DTF. KYLE GET OVER HERE NOW.
So, I'm trying to recover →
westruckbones:
There are things I don’t want to miss out on. My therapist suggested I channel all my obsessiveness into being healthy. So, I’m trying that. I’m not going to start eating full meals, just small things, and keep them down. Even the thought of keeping down anything makes me cringe, makes my throat tighten, and makes me incredibly nervous. I hate the thought of anything in my...
City and Colour - Comin’ Home
August 2011
6 posts
Turn away and run forever.
I’ll stay and wait…the Earth is round after all.
12 tags
Am I losing you?
My head is in clouds
So why don’t I float away?
I want the ground gone
July 2011
1 post
June 2011
1 post
Minus The Bear - My Time
April 2011
4 posts
isernia
in the fog, you’re all I see
barefoot and beautiful
skinned knees and soft lips
dow eyes hiding carnage
and so much more
you sing simple melodies
clutching splintered memories
i race through crowds of people, trying to run and weave through the sea, but the doors close and the whistle stings - it pulls away like always…
steam rises. pistons chug and burn. i’m losing ground as you pull...
the cake is a lie.
I was at a fork and I was lost. I could have sat there and let anxiety flood over and consume me like that smog monster from Fern Gully, but instead I just picked a direction and went. About a mile down, I realized that no matter which direction I took back there, I was bound to see something new and mysterious. you think I lose sleep over the crossroad in my rearview?
I’ve never felt so alone.
February 2011
1 post
“time favors no one, and if we wait
we too can fall in love -
a second too late”
January 2011
1 post
call her the stars
numb and lonely in the day
waiting for the shadow of the night
call her the fire
wicked while she burns down barns
spreading all the violence to her prey
call her the wind
clutching the howls of laughter
drifting by as i try to grab them
call her the moon
fading from my memory
waiting for the sun to smile on her
December 2010
1 post
...
i sit and wait for life to pass me by. it’s difficult to let go, but it’s more difficult to know that the hand you seek is just out of reach. my path toward this point in time has been a long, strange trip. would i go back and change it? would i pick a different route at the crossroads? probably not. i feel like someday i’ll see my past self and laugh. until then, i’ll long...
November 2010
1 post
“Was I left behind?
Someone tell me, tell me I survived.
Don’t look so...”
September 2010
1 post
so scattered.
I look in your eyes and notice something I don’t recognize: fear taking refuge in the fog of a sleepy town. Look, life is about discovering paths hidden in plain view before us. Branch off and find your own, or look for the worn earth of one already traveled, but every path has pitfalls. Sometimes, long, dark shadows splinter before us, blotting out the light and casting doubt on the route....
August 2010
1 post
my mind isn’t right.
July 2010
2 posts
“So push the seats back a little further / I can see the headlights coming / So...”
darkness
I tried to examine my soul through a looking-glass, but it was too murky to see in. Gloom pervades my persona; evil embraces me. It wraps its arms around me, looks me in my lifeless eyes and smiles a sheepish, toothy grin. I look away. When I see the face of evil beckoning me toward oblivion, it’s always my own face I see. How can I turn from evil? How can I turn from myself?
June 2010
4 posts
sad birds
i’m on my knees, blood pouring from my wounded chest as feathers fall from the sky and land in the sticky pool around me. I look up to see you fly by, crying with sad eyes as you pass. your tears fall on me and my feather sanctuary, but they don’t cleanse, they burn like acid rain. you should fly away - your nest is too far from here. you won’t look back, but I’ll watch...
fading fast. brain to mush and delusions flooding, the same ones since forever ago. my vivid dreams are wonderfuI distractions - bliss through slumber. being where I want and how with whom. I stay awake and I stay away. maybe i was dreaming all along? there seems to be a sliver missing, but maybe more…can’t be sure. remember, regret, relapse, rinse, repeat. let go and fall forever is...
I think I have an unhealthy obsession (fetish?) for hot candle wax.
why is this so hard? I could forget about you if I really tried, but you got under my skin as no other ever has. how do you cast that aside? every time I feel closer, you only seem farther away. when you walked away my head spun, my world crumbled; I was fazed and frazzled, neutered and spayed. I never realized how difficult it could be for a person like me to adjust - always the callous, brooding...
May 2010
4 posts
so I’m in the city right now, at a bar called “the delancey” for my friend mal’s birthday, and everything seems pretty good. walking through the bar, I’ve ran into about 38 different people from my high school social life, and it’s a complete and utter kick in the balls/blast from the past. this bar is amazingly cool. the main floor is for dancing and such, and...
caught an alexisonfire show at the bowery ballroom earlier tonight, and it welcomed in my birthday in grand fashion.
in between sets for the opening bands, i went outside for a cigarette and spotted dallas green and wade macneil off by the exit door chatting. they were joking around and looked generally friendly, so i walked over to say hi. i gave them a “mind if i smoke over here with you...
sullen.
pressed against the past, i wonder what could last when the smoke clears and you realize it all happened way too fast. i was chained and now i’m free, but stockholm syndrome still pervades me. i’m alone again without my friend and this is my end.
ugh. i want to get the fuck out of here. i can’t wait for this summer and freedom from the madness that is school. my father is coming home and should finally be back in the hamptons in less than 2 weeks, which is nice because i’ll be living with him this summer.
things have been like a roller coaster ride this semester. i don’t even want to go into it to be honest. next...
April 2010
1 post
inside out
be still, thumping chest
the rhythm pulses like a metronome
the dissonance of my heartbeat
is now just a broken symphony
my love once echoed softly
a gentle patter of rainfall
now it ticks like a time bomb
set to explode from within me
bursting with heartache
bones cracking, splintering outward
tearing through my skin
pouring my red life out on the floor below
you will find me, then
...
March 2010
5 posts
blur
i close my eyes and see only you, but you can’t see me at all. sometimes i take pictures with my mind and draw them up in my most hopeless moments. trust me…it helps. they’re just frozen images; still frames are all that i’ve got left now: you walking toward me with that perfect smile, or glancing back in exiting with a look that said “i’ll see you soon”...
today seems like a good day to write about what’s happening in my life. the sun is out and i’m happy for the first time in a while. the thing is, i feel a strange contentment today, kind of out of nowhere. i say it’s strange because i haven’t felt very content in quite some time, so this feeling is definitely refreshing. some things dawned upon me yesterday, and after some...
love is in the air, and i’m choking on the fumes…
i can’t sleep, but i don’t feel like writing melancholy bullshit like i always do (well, except for that first line, but it’s poignant as hell). instead, i’ll reflect on my weekend, which was somewhat enjoyable.
-finally got my jimi picture up - i’ve been sans picture hooks for a while.
-watched a couple...
flood
her eyes are spotlights cutting through the darkness. cocoa irises hug pools of midnight while hiding a subtle ring of crimson - the prettiest soul portals i’ve ever locked into. as i gaze within them i fall deeper down the rabbit hole, my mind swirling like an ocean current. it’s amazing how easily she can hypnotize me.
i’m on a train, and i can’t complain. going to see the fam for the weekend, which should be fun. i miss my siblings lots, so it’ll be good to spend some time with them. i just can’t wait ‘til after i’m done meeting with the ex tonight, so i can relax with my friends. stressful times for no reason.
falling
kisses stolen, as my heart is. restless intentions with reckless abandon, a wild blaze burning secrets in my head. I press up against you, feeling the thump of your chest and the sweet warmth of your breath on my skin. tracing finger lines on your neck, I lean in close and whisper how crazy you make me before I gently graze my lips against your ear. steal my heart some more, while I lean in close...
February 2010
14 posts
haven
falling freely - my ceiling to your floor,
meeting on your bed in the middle.
time spent alone together: touching, breathing, laughing, learning.
catch me getting lost in your eyes, like always.
it’s that freezing look, that icy stare…i just want to melt you down.
i’ll stick around for a while
and chase you through the trees, but i can’t run forever.
“this is a city for not sleeping
the clocks are set by feel
at this moment,...”